Friday, May 20, 2011

Happy Rapture, Everybody!

It's may 20th and Reverend Harold Camping, founder of Family Radio Worldwide, has a number of followers who believe his prediction that the Rapture will happen tomorrow.  Between 2005 and 2009, this dickwad received over $80 million in contributions form his whackjob followers.  Camping also predicted the end in 1994.  Apparently people forgot.  P.T. Barnum was right.  Hell, I couldn't even get Google to pay me the $218 they owed me and this tool got $80 million?  If it is indeed the end of the world, I hope Google is left behind to suffer with the rest of us.
Circle Grill Rapture Painting - Bon Appetit! (click to enlarge)
When I was a kid, we used to to go to the Circle Grill near my house for good old country comfort food. On an easel in the foyer was a painting depicting the Rapture taking place right in Dallas. As a little kid, the painting scared the shit out of me. But it also fascinated me and I thought the images of the crashes were pretty cool.  I particularly like the image of Jesus in a linebacker position at the center top.  I remember wondering how everyone knew to wear white robes that day.  Now, I suppose they knew Reverend Camping and had some inside information.

Who's brain trust idea was it to end the world on a Saturday?  I mean, why not on a Monday?  Monday already sucks so bad that most of us probably wouldn't even notice.  Apparently, that doesn't matter because Camping who is 89 years old, crunched the cryptic numbers from the Old and New Testaments and decided that tomorrow is it.  I wonder if he figured out what time zone God is on.

According to Reverend Camping, the Rapture itself will happen tomorrow and will then usher in a five month period of catastrophes before the world comes to a complete end in October.  Whew!  At least Alaska will still be there so I can make my trip.  Imagine the Halloween parties people can throw knowing it's the end of the world.  In case you're wondering if you're mistaking my lack of reverence for a lack of faith, you're not.  Nevertheless, if you believe all this, time is short.  Better be sure you're outside when you hear the trumpets or that you have one of these cool hatches.

I'll check back in tomorrow to report on the status of the world.  It's pretty much a given that if the Rapture takes place, I'll still be here. Besides, my white robe is at the cleaners.